When a friend tells you, “You’re toxic,” it can feel like a slap in the face. For many people, that word sounds harsh and final, as if it means you’re a bad person. But in truth, being called toxic doesn’t mean you’re doomed or beyond repair. More often, it means that some of your behaviors are hurting the people around you, and the good news is—behaviors can change.

So how do you know if the label might be true? The first step is to notice patterns. If one person lashes out at you and calls you toxic in the middle of an argument, that may just be frustration speaking. But if two or three friends, at different times, have told you that you drain them, belittle them, or make everything about yourself, it’s worth pausing to reflect.

Ask yourself honest questions: Do I listen as much as I talk? Do I respect people’s boundaries, or do I push until I get my way? Do my friends often leave our conversations feeling uplifted—or feeling smaller and exhausted? Sometimes we don’t mean to be hurtful, but the impact still matters.

If you’re unsure, it’s okay to ask for clarity. You might say to a close friend, “I don’t want to hurt you. Can you tell me what I do that feels toxic to you?” It’s a vulnerable question, but it shows a willingness to grow, and most genuine friends will respond with honesty.

Psychology can help us make sense of this. One useful framework is Carl Rogers’ Person-Centered Theory, which emphasizes unconditional positive regard, empathy, and congruence (being genuine). According to Rogers, relationships thrive when people feel heard, valued, and accepted for who they are. Toxic patterns often arise when we do the opposite—criticizing, dismissing, or trying to control others. If we can practice empathy and approach our friends with genuine respect, we begin to replace toxic habits with healthier, more supportive ways of connecting.

So what about change? This is where the real work begins. Change starts with self-awareness—catching yourself in the moment when you’re about to criticize, dominate the conversation, or guilt-trip someone. It also helps to practice listening, not just waiting for your turn to talk, but really tuning into your friend’s feelings. Respecting boundaries is another big step. When someone says no or asks for space, honor it. And when you slip up—and you will, because we all do—own it. A simple, heartfelt apology goes further than you think.

Being called toxic can feel like rejection, but it can also be an invitation to become a better version of yourself. Remember, you are not your mistakes. You are the choices you make today and tomorrow. If you’re willing to reflect, take responsibility, and make steady changes, the same friends who once called you toxic may one day call you trustworthy, kind, and safe to be around.