When a young child experiences a sudden and unexplained change—especially one as significant as family members leaving home and moving abroad—it can deeply disrupt their emotional sense of safety. For a child whose world revolves around stability, predictability, and attachment, such an event can be traumatizing. If the child was not emotionally prepared for this departure and was given no chance to say goodbye or process the transition, the impact can manifest in behaviors such as school refusal, fearfulness, withdrawal, and anxiety, particularly around separation from the remaining caregiver.

Understanding the Child’s Behavior

The refusal to attend school may not be simple defiance or laziness—it is a signal of distress. This child is not merely avoiding school; he may be terrified that while he’s away, his remaining parent, especially the mother, may disappear too. His current behavior is rooted in fear of abandonment, compounded by a lack of explanation and emotional closure about the departure of family members he depended on.

Children at this age do not yet have the cognitive maturity to fully comprehend long-term absence or complex adult decisions. When people leave without explanation, they may believe they did something wrong to cause it or fear it will happen again. The anxiety becomes overwhelming, and the child clings tightly to what feels safe—often the remaining parent.

Counseling Approach: Safety, Expression, and Reconnection

1. Building Trust and Safety
The first task for any counselor is to create a safe, warm, and predictable therapeutic environment. This helps the child feel that they are not alone, that their fears are valid, and that they are in control of something—even if small.

2. Use of Non-Directive Play Therapy
Play is the language of children. Non-directive play therapy allows the child to express their feelings without pressure or interrogation. Through toys, drawings, and storytelling, the counselor can observe recurring themes—loss, abandonment, fear—that give insight into the child’s emotional world.

3. Supporting Emotional Expression
Labeling emotions with the child helps them make sense of what they feel. The counselor might say, “It sounds like you were really sad and confused when your family left,” or “You might be scared your mum will also go away.” This validates the child’s emotions and gives them language for their inner experience.

4. Parent Involvement and Reassurance
Work with the mother to provide consistent, honest, and age-appropriate reassurance. It’s important that she affirms, repeatedly if needed, that she is not going anywhere and will always tell the child if something changes. Developing simple routines—such as a special goodbye ritual before school—can ease separation anxiety.

5. Gradual Exposure to School
With support, the child can be gradually reintroduced to school, perhaps starting with short visits, time with a trusted teacher, or even bringing a comfort item from home. Collaboration with teachers and school counselors is vital during this period.

Final Thoughts

A child coping with sudden separation needs patience, empathy, and a structured path to emotional healing. With the right therapeutic support and parental involvement, the child can rebuild trust, feel safe again, and slowly return to the normalcy of learning, playing, and growing. The goal is not to erase the pain but to help the child make sense of it and regain their sense of security.